The tale of the killer migraine.

Monday's and Tuesday's are what I like to call my "Shit days" I usually get home between 9 and 945 pm and that doesn't leave me any time to destress, catch up on homework, read, etc. It pretty much leaves me enough time to eat something, wash my face, get my Pjs on and vege in front of the TV for 30 minutes before I pass out. Yesterday night though was not fun at all. I went to my 6:10 p.m. class English 450 class for my minor, there is only 6 of us in the class including me. 6. The teacher keeps us for the full 3 hours and is so demanding with her discussions that you have to read the texts and you have to form intelligent things to say... well last nights class I started to form a headache, just a little one. But as the class was droning on my headache grew, and im sure anyone out there who has suffered from a migraine can agree that you know when you're going to get a migraine. So I knew it was coming, and you can either take something for it right away or be doomed. So I immediately started asking the other 5 people if they had any Tylenol, IB proeufen - anything... no luck so I went to the University Center to get some from the bookstore and they were closed, so I cursed to myself a couple times and headed to the vending machine to get a pop, sometimes that helps. So I get there, dive into my purse to look for some change, all pennies. Really? All pennies? not even a dime or two? So I begin to walk back to the class, defeated, accepting my fate that within a matter of minutes, I will have a migraine. I can't just leave either, this class meets once a week, AND we are on break next week so I need to be there for news, next assignment etc.

By the end of class, my head was throbbing. It wasn't unbearable yet but getting there. It wasn't till I read the review my teacher gave me on our first paper that sent my head down a shame spiral. She didn't like it, my thesis was unclear, my points scattered... this class, I thought, will NOT hold me back. I will not allow this God-forsaken class be the ONE class that holds me back from graduating this semester. You may think im being dramatic, it's one paper. But I don't want her to think this is what the rest of my papers will be like. I have worked so hard these past 6 years, I need to get back on track, and I will. So reading those comments didn't help, and talking them about it with my mom on my way home didn't either. So after I hung up, I just drove home, each passing minute my headache was morphing into a killer migraine. By the time I hit the half way mark I was almost in tears. When I got to my main street I was praying I would make it home with out vomiting in my car. When I opened the car door with bags in hand I almost fall flat on my ass due to a ice sheet under me. I walk inside, mumble a few hello's, drop my bags in my room, stumble to the kitchen and threw up in the sink. Sick - I know. My mom, God bless her was there to hold my hair, give me some juice, and after I was done, two Excedrin with water. After I got into bed, head spinning and all I managed to pass out.

This morning, feeling much better, still stressed but no migraine. There isn't really anything you can do when you get one of those but to just sleep it off. Hopefully that is my first and last migraine of the semester and my first and last shitty grade. =( Epic fail.

Today I am going to class then going into work, after work I am going to the library to study for a test tomorrow. Hope everyone has a happy hump day!

The Grey's Recap

I don't care what anyone says, Grey's Anatomy is still a great show despite it's sometimes weird story lines, and it's kind of shiteous acting, and the fact that it seems like they don't research their cases...it's still a brilliant show. This season however, I am getting rather - annoyed. I use to find Meridith completely irritating with her "problems" and the-way-she-talks and what a cry baby she was. And I always thought, She doesn't deserve him, he is too good for her, he puts up with all her stupid crap... but since this season has started I found that the tables have turned. Is it just me, or has McDreamy been a McBaby? He honestly gets upset over the weirdest stuff, being really snippity over the dumbest things. And really? Did the other night really happen? He literally forms a God complex, kills a women and almost her baby then beats the living CRAP out of McSteamy. Then the ending scene is him crying in Meridiths living room all beat up downing a couple glasses of Jack Daniels or Tequilla or something. It's like Hi, get over yourself. And all the while Meridith is cool as a cucumber. Wtf?

And Izzy finally finds out that she has cancer - I mean they never actually came out and said "You have cancer" but they eluded to that fact. But if you remember, back in season 2 or 3 her daughter came back. When she was younger she had a baby but gave her up because she was so young and wanted to go to school and become a doctor. Well, like I said back in season 2 or 3 a couple comes to the hospital saying they need a bone marrow transplant and Izzy was like "Oh ok, go to floor 3" And they said No, we need one from you. And thats where we find out that Izzy's biological daughter was brought to the hospital because she has lukemia. So that's my guess, some form of lukemia... we'll have to see.

So there you have it. McDreamy is no longer the man I thought he was, sure he is a brilliant doctor but dude is having some issues. Meridith must of rubbed off on him - bitch.

Love is all you need

Hope everyone had a splendid love day. This past week has been pretty busy (as usual) On Friday though I basically went to work - came home had dinner - lounged around and was in bed by 9:30 I guess my body really needed it. Saturday I ran a bunch of errands got my bangs trimmed and got a manicure. Mike and I had reservations at Mitchell's Fish Market where we had an amazing dinner. I had a glas of wine and we shared their Kung Po Calamari which was to die for. We also had their bread which was nice and hot so when you added butter it just melted right into it. For our main course I had their penne crab and shrimp dish with alfredo sauce and Mike had the yellow fin something or another... I dont know. I was too caught up in the amazingness that was my dish. After that we hung out and cuddled all night, talked about life and us and everything in between. It was very low key - just the way I like it.

Sunday I slept in till forever, had a great meal with my family - thanks Dad! after that I laid in bed all day and finished reading Tuesdays with Morrie - SUCH a great book, I laughed - I cried - le sigh. I have to read it for my Speech 310 class. After that I decided I would stop rolling around in my own filth and shower. Around dinner time I headed over to Mike's for dinner and hung out then after we came back here to my house to chill for the rest of the night. When we got to my house we watched this crazy story on like dateline about these guys who survived this crazy attack while camping...this guy just opens fire on them and they both get shot twice and live... now mind you- I had not watched anything remotely disturning for a good 6-8 months so this obviously got to me. That night I had the most disturbing dream, disturbing enough where it almost brought me to tears. Here it is:

I was at work, but I was not in the office we are at right now. I was inside the office on a coach talking to a man in a suit about orientation. There is a knock at the door and it was a couple asking me a bunch of questions, I said we were closed and that they would have to come back tomorrow. They are stalling. One of the girls I work with sees this and comes up and starts asking questions. Before I know it a man walks up on all of us with a huge gun and demands we all sit the F*** down. I immedietly take off my three pieces of jewlery I always where, my watch my ring and my bracelet. I sit on the ground. Next thing I know there are multiple hostages and mulitple gunman. We are outside as are sitting on the ground and I remember praying someone seeing us and calling the cops. The woman sitting next to me sees a gun on the ground - one of the gunman sees her going for it and shoots her in the leg - but she doesnt flinch and she doesnt bleed. As the night is wearing on the main gunman is getting annoyed so he just starts pointing to people and saying "Destroy her, Destory him..." and the other gunman do as their told and just start popping people off - the woman next to me is one of them - I just kept thinking my family is going to be devesated if I die - I need to live, I cant die tonight what are they going to do if I die? I am in shock as the women next to slumps over and I wake up.

I am breathing heaviley... I look at the clock its only 445am. I dont need to be awake for another 3 hours. I go over to my moms room to lay in bed with her - I know it's silly but I was full of anxiety. Everything I heard freaked me out, fear and anxiety rushed through my entire body till I eventually passed out. I know this sounds silly but the dream was so real that it bothered me that much. I'll never watch shit like that again...

Today was a nice little break from the ordinary, my night class was cancelled tonight so I was able to come home right after work. My cousins came over and I did some laundry. I wish I was more motivated to do homework but im just not there yet. The rest of the week is pretty busy - a couple papers due - work - etc. Today almost marked the three (3) year anniversary of when my grandma passed away - even though when I think about her or talk about her my heart doesnt hurt as much I still grieve that she isnt here anymore. Im sad that she wont see my graduate in 2 months, im sad she never got yo meet Mike, im sad im not able to go have dinner with her anymore. But im happy she is in a better place, im happy she isnt suffering anymore, and im happy she knew I loved her. But how I miss her.

Well that is all the time I had - or rather energy.

Xoxo

Can't sleep, things on my mind post

Ahh, yes. My lame ass postings about how stressed I am at work, how much homework I have - This is all old news friends, we know I am stressed my face and body say it all. Over the years I have really changed a lot, both emotionally, physically and mentally. I have had my ups and downs and well did my fair share of 180's and 360's I would do the same things over and over again hoping and praying for a different result and as my mom said that is the definition of crazy. SO where am I at now? I don't quite know yet. I am content, but at the same time just overwhelmed by the fact that I am not quite where I want to be.

On taking care of moi:

I've always been on the bigger side, usually nothing concerning or alarming but i've always been aware that I was never "skinny" whatever weight I was at, I was never happy - ever. I always thought I was huge and looking back at those pictures it gets me upset because I wasn't I was beautiful, I was just fine and unfortunetly I let my unkind words to myself get the best of me. When I was younger I was involved in many different things for softball to dance to swimming which helped my maintain my weight with my healthy appetite. But ever since I started college, I wasnt and havent been involved in anything remotely active. At the age of 18 I immedietly started working behind a desk, slumped over a desk typing away (kind of what I am doing right now) taking calls, doing stuff for others, taking harsh crtisisms that made me form some tough skin, I went to school where I was sitting in class all day slumped over a desk taking notes, in between classes and work I was sitting in my car driving to one thing or the other... always sitting - my new "active" role in life. It's depressing. Therefore, with all this sitting my body has definetly taken a beating over the past 5 years. And not in a good way. I have definetly put on the pounds the reflection in the mirror and in my pants is a big slap in the face.

And the thing that just cracks me up is at one point I took it all off. At one point, internet, I was really taking care of myself in a good way. Summer of 04 maybe 05 but I am thinking more 04 I just snaped. Something in me just freakin snapped! I was over the complaining and the excuses and I lost a lot of weight. I was working out at the gym 3x a week, I cut out ALL caffeine (pop, coffee etc) I cut down my carbs BIG time only allowed myself a certain number of grams a day, I ate meat (the healthy kind not red meat) and drank a shit load of juice and water. The results of my concious choice reflected in my body and everyone saw as well. I was feeling good and felt even better about my choice to get healthy. But alas, I guess nothing lasts forever because I gained it all back and then some. The question I am struggling with at the moment is, Why cant I just take care of myself again? Why can't I just make a active choice to get healthy again. I mean honestly I am 23 and get winded over stupid shit, my lower back constantly hurts. I am in my 20's people I should be in the best shape of my life no? I dont though instead I eat shitty foods, I drink a lot of caffeine, I socially smoke, I dont drink anywhere near the amount of water I should, I dont exercise, and I dont eat meat so I subsitute that with an unhealthy amount of carbs. The bad kind, not the good.

I dont want to come up with excuses, I dont because there are people out there with far more hectic schedules than I and somehow still manage to make time for themselves and go to the gym and pack themselves a healthy meal. It's ridiculous. My old boss, how I adore her, she is married, has three girls all under the age of 7, a husband and house, a very demanding job but yet still finds time to make it to the gym and make healthy choices - the women is 15 yrs older than me and is in better shape - a depressing thought. I just dont want the fact that I am neglecting myself now to REALLY come back and bite me in my huge ass down the road, but who am I kidding I know it will. I would love for once to pick up something off the rack that I adored and not have to try it on but just know its going to fit and fit well. I would love to be able to run a mile without a. hating the thought of running a mile and b. not get so winded I would love to make my lunch's and actually eat them instead of having them sit in the company fridge and give into peer pressure of going out to eat. I would love to eat more veggies and fruits. I would love to take a picture and not worry about the 15 chins that may or may not show up depending if they took it from my good angle. I would love to wear a DAMN cute bathing suit and frolick around in it. Is it so much to ask? I dont think so, I just need that "snap" effect again, of knowing what I need to do and do it without any excuses

And I need to go to the dentist. I hate the dentist though. It's the face I get when they find out I dont floss. I brush everyday yes, but I dont floss and dont act all suprised, you probably dont either, dont lie. I have a cavity in my left back side of my mouth - it's there staring at me in the face... I know my teeth, gums, etc arent in their best shape and someone once told me your teeth and gums are a direct reflection of where you are at mentally and physically - and to be honest it's SO true.

On Me, Me, Me:

The bad thing is all the things I love require $$$$$$. For example I loooove love love getting manicures and pedicures... the last time I got one? Hmmm about 6 months ago. I love sitting down picking out a color and for 1 hour do nothing. I love leaving, getting into my car making sure I am very careful not to smudge my nails and just stare at them. The fresh feeling, the glossy look, the freedom... I dont know it just gets me everytime. I also love netflix but due to my schedule I just dont have a lot of time to sit and watch a movie. I love museums but have I gone? Nah the last time I went to a museum was probably in 05 maybe 06. Artsy shows/movies havent gone in awhile, drank a glass of wine by myself, buy and read a full book, spending the day shopping and grabbing a fun chilled drink as im hustleing a bustling about. Taking afternoon naps, flipping through magazines, doing and planning fun events... all things that are me... but I am SO flipping tired of my shitty ass schedule. My shitty ass schedule which is supposed to get me to where I want to be - a.k.a. doing the things I LOVE - it's so FRUSTRATING I want to be me again in the sense of DOING the things I love not the things I HAVE to do. And I remember the quote in the movie "The Great Debaters" - "Do what you have to do, so you can do what you want to do." - SO true Lawrence Fishburn, so true. But's it's like really? is this my life right now? I know I am being a little dramatic here but getting done with school cant come ANY sooner. Once school is done it's going to free up SO much of my time, energy, money - and I am hoping on getting on a schedule a schedule that fits ME - not a schedule that revolved around everything else. I miss doing the little things that make me happy... what would also make me happy is getting my bangs trimmed... that would make me happy - i'll have to find someplace to do it real quick because my bang situation is making me very unhappy.

As I am writing this I am getting so tired, but my everytime I crawl into bed my mind starts to go a mile a minute and I just cant which is why im writing this and it's 12am and I have to wake up in 5 hours... it also doenst help that I had a coffee (ahh caffeine - see the habit) at like 730pm WHY?? did I do this? I dont know. I guess I love to beat myself up... lame. Anyways I heard this awesome quote and I would like to share it with you all...

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Youtube find: Her morning elegance

Found this video and am in love with it. I think it's so sweet and so unique. Brilliant idea!

Cant wait for this semester to be over

Honestly, end of April cant come soon enough. I cant believe that in a matter of 2 1/2 months I will be done with school. It hardly seems real to me. I just wish my last semester there wasnt so hectic, the stress is sometimes crippling. I have so much to do that the only feesable thing is to crawl into bed and watch a good movie and well just not think about anything. Obviously that's not going to happen. I am about a month into my semester and I have yet to get into a groove, I think it's suffice to say i'll never get into one. My weekdays are so jammed packed that when the weekend comes, I justify in my head, "You work so hard during the week, you deserve to go out and be lazy." So by Monday you can probably guess what it's like, me running around like a chicken with it's head cut off (Aw that's a sad image) Le sigh.

Enough about school, what else is going on? Nothing really, I went out Friday with Jenn, Wendy and my mom to see He's just not that into you which was such a cute chick flick, however the message they were trying to get out was, women are usually never the exception only the rule meaning all these stories of girls getting their happily ever after usually never happens - they are the exception. But of course in the movie 99% of the people end up with their happily ever after. Needless to say it was still a darling movie. Afterwards we went to Box Bar for a couple drinks then to Baileys. Saturday I saw Push with my dad then went out with some people form work to Pub 13 in Ypsi it was a great time, had a blast. Sunday I did some homework and Mike came over and we just hung out for the night, it was a great relaxing evening.

What is everyone doing for Valentines day? We are probably going to Mitchell's Fish Market for dinner then seeing Confessions of a Shopaholic... poor Mike. LoL Hope everyone has a great week!

Lessons

I came across this blog post about lessons from your deathbed - things you want to pass down... I thought this was a great idea... so I am going to re-write some of the ones she already has (No senese in re-creating the wheel) and then will add some more of my own.

You can do or be anything.

If you haven’t worn something for an entire year, you should probably give it to charity.

If you want a boy to like you, be yourself. If he still doesn’t like you, then he needs a brain transplant. Poor him.

Failure is not a four-letter word. Show me someone who has never failed, and I’ll show you someone who has never taken a risk. You can’t achieve success without first facing down your fears and falling on your face.

You cannot find happiness by buying more things, making more money, having more power, or getting a really impressive-sounding job title. You find happiness by knowing what you want and finding the courage to go after it. You find happiness by knowing who you are, and having the courage to be that person. You find happiness by recognizing another person in need and having the courage to give a part of yourself to that person. Happiness is not found in getting. It’s found in giving.

You are in charge of your own happiness. No one else can make you happy.

Do less. Sleep more.

Trust your inner voice. It’s always right.

Always keep feminine products in your purse. You never know when they will come in handy.

Being alone is not the worst thing that can happen to you, but being stuck in a terrible marriage probably is.

If you can’t stand up without falling down, it’s probably time to stop drinking.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Use pain and adversity to your advantage. Learn from both.

Sometimes chocolate is the best solution.

If a man gives you the creeps, don’t second-guess yourself. Run away as fast as you can.

If you don’t feel like doing something, don’t do it.

It’s okay to be unladylike.

Put yourself first. You are worth it.

Your time is valuable. Don’t let other people waste it.

Maria's lessons:

If you can find someone who loves you for you, you found someone special

Finding humor is the stupidest things will help in life.

Don't take life so seriously - just remember that God has a great sense of humor.

It's ok to be sad. But dont allow yourself to become engulfed in it (thanks mom)

Nothing lasts forever, nothing good or bad. (thanks mom)

Even though it's not the funnest thing to do presently - getting an education will help you in the long run.

You can do ANYTHING you put your mind too.

Working hard in life will pay off.

Karma is a bitch.

Always wear a helmet.

Keep your promises.

See the good in people.

Be grateful for everyone and everything in your life.

Do you have any life lessons you want to share??

Sunday goal day

Sunday Goal Day

In my pathetic attempt to get the last 4 months of torture under control I have decided to come up with Sunday Goal Day where I will document my weeks goals both personally, and scholastically, and I will keep a record of things I want to accomplish for work seperatley as I dont like to write professional related stuff on here, hope you understand. I will then in turn report back my weeks worth of goals and aspirations back to you as a motivator to actually, possibly get something done for once.

Personally:
1. Work out three days this week: Tuesday after class (this is going to suck since I get done with class at 9pm) Thursday after class and Saturday morning
2. Clean out car - vaccuum and clean out trunk
3.Pay all bills on Tuesday

Scholastically:
1. Finish reading 100 pages of Moby Dick
2.Study for Comm 220 test
3.Progress report for P.R. class and Logistics of day
4. Find 3-5 scholarly articles for comm 300 class
5. Finish book report #1 for Speech 310
6. Study for Comm 300 test
7. Loan blurb for P.R. class
8. Eng 450 5 pg paper

Conincidence? You tell me.....

1.) James Dean Car Curse
In September 1955, James Dean was killed in a horrific car accident whilst he was driving his Porsche sports car. After the crash the car was seen as very unlucky.
a) When the car was towed away from accident scene and taken to a garage, the engine slipped out and fell onto a mechanic, shattering both of his legs.
b) Eventually the engine was bought by a doctor, who put it into his racing car and was killed shortly afterwards, during a race. Another racing driver, in the same race, was killed in his car, which had James Dean's driveshaft fitted to it.
c) When James Dean's Porsche was later repaired, the garage it was in was destroyed by fire.
d) Later the car was displayed in Sacramento, but it fell off it's mount and broke a teenager's hip.
e) In Oregon, the trailer that the car was mounted on slipped from it's towbar and smashed through the front of a shop.
f) Finally, in 1959, the car mysteriously broke into 11 pieces while it was sitting on steel supports.

2. A falling baby, saved twice by the same man
In Detroit sometime in the 1930s, a young (if incredibly careless) mother must have been eternally grateful to a man named Joseph Figlock. As Figlock was walking down the street, the mother's baby fell from a high window onto Figlock. The baby's fall was broken and both man and baby were unharmed. A stroke of luck on its own, but a year later, the very same baby fell from the very same window onto poor, unsuspecting Joseph Figlock as he was again passing beneath. And again, they both survived the event. (Source: Mysteries of the Unexplained)

3. A bullet that reached its destiny years later
Henry Ziegland thought he had dodged fate. In 1883, he broke off a relationship with his girlfriend who, out of distress, committed suicide. The girl's brother was so enraged that he hunted down Ziegland and shot him. The brother, believing he had killed Ziegland, then turned his gun on himself and took his own life. But Ziegland had not been killed. The bullet, in fact, had only grazed his face and then lodged in a tree. Ziegland surely thought himself a lucky man. Some years later, however, Ziegland decided to cut down the large tree, which still had the bullet in it. The task seemed so formidable that he decided to blow it up with a few sticks of dynamite. The explosion propelled the bullet into Ziegland's head, killing him. (Source: Ripley's Believe It or Not!)

4. Twin Boys, twin lives
The stories of identical twins' nearly identical lives are often astonishing, but perhaps none more so than those of identical twins born in Ohio. The twin boys were separated at birth, being adopted by different families. Unknown to each other, both families named the boys James. And here the coincidences just begin. Both James grew up not even knowing of the other, yet both sought law-enforcement training, both had abilities in mechanical drawing and carpentry, and each had married women named Linda. They both had sons whom one named James Alan and the other named James Allan. The twin brothers also divorced their wives and married other women - both named Betty. And they both owned dogs which they named Toy. Forty years after their childhood separation, the two men were reunited to share their amazingly similar lives. (Source: Reader's Digest, January 1980)

5. Just like Edgar Allan Poe's book
In the 19th century, the famous horror writer, Egdar Allan Poe, wrote a book called 'The narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym'. It was about four survivors of a shipwreck who were in an open boat for many days before they decided to kill and eat the cabin boy whose name was Richard Parker. Some years later, in 1884, the yawl, Mignonette, foundered, with only four survivors, who were in an open boat for many days. Eventully the three senior members of the crew, killed and ate the cabin boy. The name of the cabin boy was Richard Parker.

6. Twin brothers, killed on the same road, two hours apart
On 2002, Seventy-year-old twin brothers have died within hours of one another after separate accidents on the same road in northern Finland. The first of the twins died when he was hit by a lorry while riding his bike in Raahe, 600 kilometres north of the capital, Helsinki. He died just 1.5km from the spot where his brother was killed. "This is simply a historic coincidence. Although the road is a busy one, accidents don't occur every day," police officer Marja-Leena Huhtala told Reuters. "It made my hair stand on end when I heard the two were brothers, and identical twins at that. It came to mind that perhaps someone from upstairs had a say in this," she said. (Source: BBC News)

7. King Umberto I' double
In Monza, Italy, King Umberto I, went to a small restaurant for dinner, accompanied by his aide-de-camp, General Emilio Ponzia- Vaglia. When the owner took King Umberto's order, the King noticed that he and the restaurant owner were virtual doubles, in face and in build. Both men began discussing the striking resemblances between each other and found many more similarities.
a) Both men were born on the same day, of the same year, (March 14th, 1844).
b) Both men had been born in the same town.
c) Both men married a woman with same name, Margherita.
d) The restauranteur opened his restaurant on the same day that King Umberto was crowned King of Italy.
e) On the 29th July 1900, King Umberto was informed that the restauranteur had died that day in a mysterious shooting accident, and as he expressed his regret, he was then assassinated by an anarchist in the crowd.


Found here